I wish I could tell you...

and that’s all that really matters in the end.

I’m sorry that I’m not perfect like you. I’m sorry I embarrass you in front of your friends, and say the wrong things at the wrong time. I’m sorry that I am so painfully shy and never want to go anywhere. I’m sorry I can’t dress right and eat too much. I’m sorry I am too smart and not pretty enough. I’m sorry you’re always having to take care of me and for crying all the time. I’m sorry that I’ll never be good enough or be the person you want me to be. But mostly I’m sorry that we aren’t as close as we used to be.

I’m sorry.

It kills me knowing we ended the way we did. I hate that you are half way around the world getting shot at everyday and I have no idea if you are okay. I miss you more than you even know and I’m always going to love you. Come back to me so we can fix this, wrap your arms around me so I know you’re safe and kiss me so the world makes sense again.

I’ve tried everything to be his friend and make it work an every time he shut me down. He’s doing everything in his power to keep us apart and the sad thing is that it’s working. You promised no guy would ever come between us and you could never date anyone who didn’t like me but six months later he’s still here. I know it’s selfish and I know you’re happy but I just want my best friend back. I need someone to talk to I’m loosing my mind and you don’t even notice. What makes me the most mad is how he rubs it in my face, when I finally get to spend a whole hour with you but he will call you and talk to you on the phone for 20 minutes and ask if you want to hang out with our friends right in front of me. It’s like “haha I hate you I won’t let her spend five minutes with you but we hang out with all your other friends all the time!” He acts like a five year old and you let him. I love how for the past 15 years I’ve tried to bring you to Georgia with me but you could never go and when I mentioned I wanted to go for my birthday he said that was dumb and it’s too far and you said you wouldn’t be able to get off work and you were too broke so I did nothing for my birthday and you guys went to Georgia the exact weekend I was planning on going for my birthday without even telling me. Thanks. That hurts a lot. It literally makes my stomach drop every time i see his stupid face or stupid name pop up, I just want to punch him. But of course I can’t tell you any of this because he will just turn it around on me and make me look like the bad guy and I will lose you for good. I can’t lose you but I can’t live in limbo either. I think I’m going to explode by New Years.